Dreamless

My dream would never be complete without you in it thus my life has no reason for existence with your absence.

Are We Going To Let Them? by JVFlorentino (March 2004)

Disclaimer: This was the last essay my daddy wrote a month before he passed away

The entry of Fernando Poe, Jr. in the up and coming presidential race reminds us of the way our country is being perceived by the rest of the world - a country resembling a giant cinematic prop for cheap action movies. And to think we are still reeling from the chaos and madness of a bungled presidency in the hands of a hard-drinking, arthritic lothario.

History, indeed, repeats itself. We are again caught in the grip of extreme anxiety as yet another actor is poised to occupy the highest position of the land. Not that we have anything against movie actors. Its what these actors do not have to offer by way of mental and ethical disciplines that scares the sh..t out of us.

The threat that Poe could win the election is quite real; given the mass appeal the fellow has gained for himself while playing the role of swashbuckling hero on the silver screen for many years. Like his friend before him, FPJ as cinematic hero championed the cause of the downtrodden masses in their struggle against malevolent landowners, using fists that hit their enemies in staccato fashion.

Looking back at the previous regime, we get the sinking feeling that danger of the same kind lurks round the corner of our history. It's like watching a rerun of something that we've seen before, like one of those old, grainy Hitchcock movies where everything is honky-dory at the start, but halfway through we find ourselves frozen in our seats and bitting our fingernails. At the end, the hero is transformed from a handsome, dashing lover (womanizer?) to a real flesh-and-bones Jack the Ripper.

To a large extent, Filipinos have come to accept the nature of Philippine politics as akin to life imitating art... or, should I say, the movies. How else can we account for the stampede of men and women from the entertainment sector who, by simply using face value, are trying their luck at bagging coveted positions of power? These opportunistic maggots crawling out of the celluloid world can sense that the Filipino psyche has become totally dysfunctional as far as demarcating the real wold from the world movies is concerned. Any Tom, Dick & harry it seems can run and win an election provided he is a popular movie star. This inordinate preoccupation with fantasy puts some credibility to an observation by some westerners that we Filipinos have one foot in medieval Spain and the other in a Hollywood back lot.

Thus it begs the question: what is it about us that make us incapable of separating the real from the unreal? Is it a product of a "fractured culture" as some sociologists have suggested about us? Or is this predisposition rooted in a genetic storm arising from an over-diversified gene pool -- after all did not Spain's conquistadors and friars and America's cavalrymen and the Japanese "kempetai" spread their nuts around our island? This merry mix-up of chromosomes could have spread hormones in us, as my scholar friend naughtily suggests.

I am inclined to believe though, that the reason lies closer to home - literally speaking, that is. As everybody knows, our country is home to some of the worst cases destitution in the world. Everywhere one looks there are islands of immense squalor just outside the cloistered communities of the rich and famous. NEDA has estimated that about half of our population lives below subsistence level. With a population of 85 million, our country is fast becoming a Malthusian nightmare. It is not difficult to imagine life in a shanty, with its walls made of shipping crates and corrugated tin roof that burn like hot coal in the sun.

In the summer people swelter, their brains caramelized by the heat. And in the rainy days, they soak and shiver in the dark. In such situation, reality bites and bites hard. No wonder then that the hard and fast rules of morality and ethics fade into a worldview of a different kind. It's a worldview of hunger and hopelessness, of despair and anger. And just like in the Land of Oz, fantasy becomes hope, and ultimately fantasy hold the mind hostage, because to tell the truth, the land somewhere over the rainbow is really nowhere to be found.

Thus enter our celluloid hero, the protector of the dispossessed and the unwanted.. FPJ looms large in the heart and minds of the riotous masses that nearly turned EDSA III into a bloodbath of untold proportion. As one erudite senator said, politics in this country is no longer the province of the skilled statesman or the adept public administrator. It is in the hands of the entertainer-manipulator who, with great craftiness, can martial the great multitude of the hopeless and the downtrodden, by conjuring images of pies in the sky and the castles in the air.

It doesn't matter to the poor that they have been deceived in the past. What matters to them is that another "hero" emerged. If he can champion their cause on the silver screen, he can do it in real life. Who cares if he hasn't the faintest idea about good governance? As long as he holds steady atop his white stallion, he can deliver them. He is their choice. Isn't that what democracy is all about? But wait... what about our enormous foreign debt? our widening budget deficit? our exchange rate, our literacy programs, our medical care programs, etc, etc.

FPJ's self-styled lackeys and cohorts think the voters could not care less. In fact, they are banking on it. They are opportunists who like leeches, are latching on to him in the hope of someday sucking his blood. They are at this very moment putting their ears to the ground, listening to the distant rumble of rushing feet. They really think they will win the election and that they don't have to wait long. Once they hear the rushing of feet, no matter how faint, they will know victory is at hand.

But then again, are we going to let them?

Old Habits Die Hard

There's a saying "it takes a week to form a habit but a month or years to break it". When you become accustom to having something or doing something, it becomes routine and breaking out of this routine if not difficult, takes a lot of determination and discipline.

Brain researchers say that habits help us through the day, eliminating the need to strategize  about each tiny step involved in complex routines. Bad habits though, can have a vise grip on both mind and behavior. Notoriously hard to break and they are devilishly easy to resume.

Since I entered graduate school I told myself in the view of the fact that it has been my life's goal to attain MBA degree, I will definitely be serious about it, also because the money that compensates my tuition fee is from the trust fund that my daddy left for me.

I gave up my job of five years (which mind you, was a job that I actually enjoyed) however, there was a conflict between work and school schedule so I had to give up my work. Apparently, upon having all my time centered on my studies,  there were still subjects that    I failed to get if not good but passing grades. 

So, it made me think, what have I been doing wrong? until such time that for the first time  in my 4 terms I've gotten a failed grade in midterms in one of my subjects and then it suddenly dawned on me, my study habits are unacceptable. I was just too complacent and don't give much effort on the subjects that do not interest me.

It takes a lot of self assessment to realize the bad habits / routines that are  not value adding to one's growth. One will  not realize the consequence of such bad habits until failure punches  you right on the face - the cause and effect theory.

Failure is a starting point to greatness - Daniel Guinigundo

I am tired of the discomfort that old habits brings, what makes me feel more miserable is the fact that I have no one in this planet to point my finger at but myself. In other words, I brought this upon myself, which is so depressing Its like I am not in control of my own consciousness.

Habits they say starts in a pattern of behavior and although it means I have to break such patterns in order to achieve what I believe is the inevitable, I am determined to face the challenge head on.